One day, when my family and I are ready to share my experiences of failure in raising a girl child with the public, I will approach it with the rigor of a thesis. I am filled with reflections on what I perceive as my significant missteps, which I believe are worth sharing to caution young couples considering this path. In just five years of marriage, nothing has been as challenging to confront as this aspect. Perhaps I’ll refine this later, but for now, I admit to feeling defeated in guiding this child. It seems that despite my best intentions, my efforts are consistently misinterpreted by her.
A significant blow hit me today (2021.03.15) when the child received a failing grade on her school project. Typically, a child would show such work to her parents, especially a project, homework, or assignment. However, my daughter made the bold yet misguided decision three weeks ago to tackle the project independently, without informing us. She persevered, believing she could handle it alone until she submitted what she deemed satisfactory. Unfortunately, the outcome was far from acceptable—a mere 30%. From a parental standpoint, this news was disheartening. When we asked why she hadn’t informed us about the project, her response was striking: “I wanted to figure it out on my own.”
I was speechless. How could such a significant mistake be made? I would have preferred my child to rely on us while she’s still young, rather than attempting to navigate complex tasks independently in ninth grade. It appears that my tendency to ask many questions during homework sessions may have contributed to her avoidance of seeking help. However, asking questions is my way of facilitating and stimulating her thought process. Earlier today, a psychologist at work suggested that my questioning style might come across as intimidating, especially considering my technical background. I see echoes of this dynamic in my interactions with my child.
I am deeply wounded and uncertain about what steps to take next.
Bongzs Personal Inspirations 